Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Picture Perfect


WELL, WELL, WELL folks i have finally made my way down under 240lbs. 239lbs to be exact and yep I'm counting every lb., for those of you that are still Touring with me i should have more Tour Dates Posted soon. I've traveled through the "STATE OF EMOTIONS" and think the next show will be in the "STATE OF LOVE", YEAH I SAID IT and that applies to SASHA(my band) and someone of the "MALE SPECIES"(which is an entirely different blog)but any who. i just wanted to continue on the subject of "PICTURES", those dreadful things that we all try to avoid and run from. i was speaking about this to someone on and how i did not have many old pics that showed my entire body. i think i have 100 of just my top half though and wasn't always pleased with those. I've came along way from where i was and had to learn how to accept what i can't change and just love me for who i am and the way that i am. this is one journey that you can't rewind and i wanted to make sure i captured every moment of it to look back on. i have became okay with the camera and taking pictures, although we still have some things to work out in our relationship as far as getting my good the truth of the matter is that PICTURES DON'T LIE ! plain and simple, it is what it is. what you see is what you get and i think that's hard to take sometime.
Before Surgery Feb. 08
when i got my Monroe piercing

After Surgery 5 months post -op

but never the less pictures are important, it wasn't until i placed these two pictures side by side that i finally saw what everyone else saw and was telling me. they were saying your face is so small now and i would look in the mirror and wouldn't see anything but ME. i noticed it in my clothes but my brain and the mirror was not connecting quite right because i didn't see the changes on myself. it was these same two pictures that brought me to tears because i could not believe that i was that heavy and thought it was okay. everyone always pass by me now and tell me how good i look and how well I'm doing and i say " THANK YOU". but i really want to ask them why they never saw how BIG i was getting and say something about that ? i mean come on they had to of noticed it! .. lol no family or friends didn't slap any food out of my hand or say you're pushing it! it's my fault 100% and I'm not placing blame and glad to have the support and encouragement now that i am on board, but DAMN i let myself go like that and y'all ass couldn't have an intervention or nothing...lmao !!

so all in all i will say that i am blessed, NO I'm not as far as some that had surgery around my same date. No I'm not pleased with the flab on my arms or that my bottom half is smaller than my and yes i do fall off the wagon and have ice cream, and No i don't make it to exercise every single day. truthfully and honestly speaking when have women been completely satisfied with their bodies ? we always say if i can just get a breast lift or maybe if i could just have a tummy tuck, and them after that we are not satisfied with something else.
does it really matter ? I'm learning that as long as you can love yourself it will show on the outside to others in your mood, personality and the way you carry yourself with your head up high.
and I'm still TURNING HEADS regardless because i just made you convert and damn near break yours to look...Admit it, I'm a Mess and THE WORLD IS NOT READY !
Glitter Lips


Monday, April 20, 2009

Sasha Is Fierce

hello all, i know it's been awhile since i was last here but I've been doing fine or okay lately. it's coming up on my 6months Band-A-Versary on the 24Th of this month, and hopefully I'm down under the 240 mark. numbers have usually been working well for me so let's hope this one does also. If so i will be doing "The Stanky Leg" all the way to the (for those who have not saw this dance please google it. other than that i wanted to touch on the subject of "Things Getting Stuck". CAN WE PLEASE HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE AND TAKE A PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE !!

okay, now returning to our regularly scheduled let's just say that i have heard many stories about those who have had things get stuck, and have heard all about the pain, remedies, and all that. OMG let me tell you, that is nothing, I MEAN NOTHING until it has happen to you!! when i say Miss Sasha was Fierce Today, she(my band) cut up on me. now we all know that we can't eat and talk at the same time, and i was doing very good with just concentrating on my eating. yes i have had things get stuck before but they worked themselves down and it was not as bad. well today someone (not saying any names) was trying to ask me a question while i was eating. and i guess you pretty much know the rest huh! for those who have not experienced this, well let me tell you. i got this awful stuck feeling, that beating my chest did nothing to so i got up and made my way to the restroom because it quickly had that "it's not going to be okay" type of feeling to the situation. and i know every one's initial reaction to this would be to take a sip of water. but that only applies to people who are not Bandsters, that rule no longer applies to us. it's 1 of the BIGGEST NO, NO EVER !. so to make a long story short it was a Grand Opening and Grand Closing on Lunch in a short period of time. oh yes, no sooner than i made it to the restroom it came up and out. something i was trying to keep low key with and not get anyone alarmed or concerned and trying to clear my airway. that would of been a long reach imagine that, me trying to shoo them away from me so i can throw up. whew I'd rather not..lmao
and last but not least i wanted to know if anyone have heard of skinnywater ? my friend gurl e-mailed me something on it and it looks interesting enough to try. you can check it our yourself if you'd like @ or let me know if you already have.